This morning I awoke in tears, wondering what was wrong, and then realizing that the fear I've been holding onto for so long, the fear of my heart breaking, has been taking up such a huge space in my own heart. My entire life I've wrestled with the fear of giving my heart away because of the way my parents marriage is, because of the hurt they've felt; the pain, the fear, the brokenness it's led to. I've realized I've given God my hopes and dreams, but I've never actually given him my full heart for that. Instead of guarding my heart, I've put my heart in a prison cell, and thrown away the key. Little did I know that even though I didn't know where that key was, God did. While washing my face he reminded me of his true love, the love he wants me to experience one day, and that I don't need to be afraid anymore. I need to trust, and realize that he can take all of my shame, my weakness, and my pain, and wash it away to the ocean floor. So through this word he also put a song in my heart that I've begun to write. Here is the first and only part:
You heal more than the temporary
Even when my soul is wary
The throbbing heart of a needy life
There is peace in my strife
In your faithfulness I am found
You heal my broken heart
When life seems too hard
I cry and your love pours down
Down my face into a river of grace
Your strong hands lift my heavy face and remind me
The space I've put between us
The walls dividing, they have become no more
Cause I am sure
They're washed away at the ocean floor
And your love is forevermore.
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