Finley's Birth Story in 10 Steps | As if it were that Easy

As something I'd like to remember (because when you become a mom you forget EVERYTHING), and in hopes to shed to humor and light on childbirth, here's  Finley's birth story.
Don't worry, I will spare you the blood and gore and keep it short and sweet. In fact, I wrote it in 10 steps. Enjoy!


1. Cars are Evil. I walked into the hospital at about 8:30am Tuesday March 1st. Prior to that I had been feeling contractions that were decently consistent in the early am hours of that day. My mom and I decided to go to the hospital just to see if it was time, so we called the midwife, got my bag (which had joined us in car rides many times "just in case" I had the baby at any given moment), and started the longest 45 minute car ride of my life. Contractions + cars = death. Maybe not death, but it was definitely on the top three list of "Why You Don't Deliver At a Hospital Far Away."

2. Relax, Don't Resist. When they checked me I was already 2 centimeters dilated. I had the BEST nurse, who gave me the greatest tip of advice- don't resist contractions. Whenever you feel a contraction, simply stop what you're doing, focus on your breathing, and let your body fall into a c-position. Don't resist the pain. It's going to happen anyway, so you might as well suck it up and get over it. Yelling and screaming just makes the contractions more painful, resulting in them becoming closer together quicker (which will eventually happen at the end, but you need to save your energy, so it's best to just try to relax).

3. Pack Your Own Personal Massage Therapist. Thank God my mom is one, because I had a free one with me! She literally gave me back rubs my entire labor- here's to 21 years of never getting a full massage, haha. She definitely paid for it.

4. Music is Essential. Personally, my mind has to be in the right place for me to fully relax and let go of any fears of "what ifs" that plague my mind. Making my environment suit my mood is super important for me, so I had a playlist of Bethel music flood that delivery room. It didn't only affect me, but everyone around me, which was something I had prayed for going into the hospital. That God would move and people would see his strength in me.

5. Shout out to Water births. I wanted a water birth to help manage the pain naturally (becuase I was NOT getting an epidural. Big Needle + Emma = No Way). The cool nurse explained to me that going in too early usually slows down labor. So, I went in for a little bit at 6pm, and then got bored (I know, I know, what crazy woman gets bored while about 6 centimeters dilated? Apparently me). I decided to get out of the water and continue to walk around, use the exercise ball, and sway.

6. Laugh. It'll be wonderful to look back on this moment and realize you had no idea what you were doing. I laughed my entire labor- another reason for the nurses to question my state of mind and start to think "are we sure we didn't give her an epidural?" It's better to let go of pain you can't control. Or try to convince yourself it isn't pain- I didn't do that, but I wonder if it would have been even better (or worse and more exhausting) if I thought that way.

7. Take Advantage of Popsicles. It wasn't until about 7pm that a nurse offered me a rootbeer flavored popsicle, but OH MY GOSH IS FLAVORED ICE NOT THE BEST THING IN THE WORLD IN BETWEEN CONTRACTIONS? Seriously. I've never loved a popsicle more. I actually decided to be brave and ask if they had any other flavors (they didn't, so I enjoyed a few more rootbeer ones).

8. Expect the Unexpected. My water didn't break until 9.5 centimeters at 9pm. The midwife checked me, and suddenly the Nile River entered the hospital room. Believe every woman who tells you it's a huge gush. We're 100% right. Also, once your water breaks, contractions might not actually get closer together (mine didn't) but they definitely feel like they did, because you lost your cushion that helped some of the pain.

9. Water is Your Best Friend. At some point during my labor I took a shower, which was really helpful. But after my water broke, there were more nurses in the room, someone was standing in front of the clock and I yelled at her. Then another nurse started massaging my lower back during a contraction (WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT) and I yelled at her. Then someone asked me if I wanted a drink/cold washcloth and I yelled at her. Then I gratefully accepted both of those beautiful things. After getting enraged/starting to panic during contractions because people were invading my peaceful place/ I was in pain, I then decided to go back into the tub and stay there for all eternity (or in my case, 10:49pm, the time Finley Oliviette Ricupero arrived into this crazy, beautiful world).

10. Keep Going, You're Almost There. While in the tub, I then asked "Where is the midwife?" to the nurse. She then preceded to say, "Oh I think she ran out to her car to get her coat." Many dark words flooded my mind with rage because why, when someone is basically fully dilated, did it seem like a good time to go get your coat?! SERIOUSLY?! I  then managed to yell/whine/sob "someone needs to get this baby out of me! Now! Help!" When the midwife returned I made her check me in the water (because I refused to move ) and she said I was fully dilated. Disclaimer: just because you're fully dilated doesn't mean the baby is going to just pop out. Haha, I wish. The contractions, however, do go away! This was probably my favorite part, minus feeling claustrophobic in a square tub with 4 nurses, a midwife, and your mom surrounding you. Thankfully they were holding me up/encouraging me. At some point they also told me "yes, she's almost here." Liars. But with a lot of breathing, "more.water.please." gasps, and patient persistence, Finley came into the world on March 1, 2016 at 10:49pm. All 7 lbs. and 4 ounces of her.

And today she's 5 weeks old, has the most hair apparently anyone has ever seen on a baby (since every where I go it's like I'm parading around a tiny monkey), smiles, coos, makes the best faces, and has completely won my heart.

The day she was born was the first time I saw perfection, and as much as I told myself "I'm never having kids again" (I probably will because I've accepted the fact that I'm now one of "those moms who has kids and doesn't remember things), a child is a gift worth every ounce of blood, sweat, and tears. She's the reason I wake up in the morning (even if that just so happens to be 4, 2 hour interval times), she's the beginning of what could be the next generation of hope, and by her changing my life I now get the opportunity of being changed by raising her.

                            

                                                            

The Journey

I've never been in this place before and I'm loving every minute of it.

This next part has nothing to do with the picture and everything to do with the picture. So it's completely up to you if you want to scroll through this feed or stop and read. It's your choice. 

Throughout my entire pregnancy, I have grown so much. More than just because of the simple fact that there is a beautiful life growing inside of me.
But it's not really as simple as it seems.
I've been going through this entire season of vulnerability these past 35 weeks of being pregnant. Quite honestly, I never would have thought I would ever be in this place. I always knew I was going to be a mom one day, but I never imagined it to happen like this.
It's funny how the entire time I was at Pratt Institute (and NYC in general), from orientation to graduation, almost every person I encountered at some point told me I was being a mom/so much like their mom/going to be a great mom. People who had never known me.
But I never thought it was weird because I was never normal. You're not normal. Neither is the Father who created me and knew my life before anyone else ever knew I existed.
And I say this, not out of a place of confusion, but out of a place of complete wonder and amazement on how DISTINCTLY CREATIVE our God is. His plans are always greater than our own, and that simple fact Has never ceased to amaze me. Because it's always been more than just a simple fact. Life is more than just a simple fact. It's an incredible journey.
It's kind of funny, because I always pictured myself graduating from Pratt Institute, starting an important, design worthy career, meeting the man I was going to marry, dating him, falling in love, and having four kids and puppies. The end, it'll all work out beautifully!
But just because it didn't happen that way doesn't mean it still won't work out beautifully.
It wasn't normal that I got accepted into Pratt Institute for their Graphic Design program when I had never even heard of the Adobe Creative Suite.
It wasn't normal that my right arm went completely numb my first year and I began to draw with my left hand since my right hand stopped working.
It wasn't normal that I was chosen to be an RA for an international floor when I was born in America.
It wasn't normal that I passed all of my classes learning to use the hand that I had never used before to design.
It wasn't normal that I came back my second year after life guarding 7 days a week and could then use both hands when I barely had time to rest them.
It wasn't normal that I got an internship at House Beautiful Magazine and a page layout I designed appeared in their June 2015 issue when my work wasn't even accepted into the Pratt Show.
It wasn't normal that I got pregnant.
The journey of your life is never normal. That's because it was never was meant to be normal. There's no such thing as a normal life with normal people. We're all different from each other. If we weren't, we'd probably all be called Bob and be tomatoes.
I've learned along the way that God has so much more in store for me. Plans that I never would have thought of if I hadn't walked through the valleys.
You have to walk through the valleys in order to get to the top of any mountain. Unless you have a private jet, which, if you needed that, that's wonderful! Enjoy the flight.
You don't just magically appear at the top and skip over the hard parts. That isn't life, that's a Happy Meal.
The journey IS rough. There's bumps, bruises, hurt and disappointment but that's not all there is.
There's also hope in the hopelessness and there's vulnerability. You can sit and wallow in all the terrible things that have happened to you and give up, OR you can choose to hope for something better and follow your heart.
I've always followed my heart.
And no, that was never easy, but I always knew I was on the right path. If I hadn't gone through everything I did these past three years, I never would have had the privilege to be pregnant and carry such a beautiful, amazing life.
I mean, her life supply is THROUGH MY BELLY BUTTON. I'm still amazed by that and it's so much more amazing than lots of puppies.
I'm thankful that I've always had a choice, and that I've always chose to follow what God has in store for me, even if the plan didn't go in the direction I personally would have chosen. It's ok. God always had me and he always will have me.
So, I choose to walk through the valleys of life. Not because I know what's ahead- I don't- but because I know eventually I'll get to the top of a mountain that I probably had no idea I was climbing in the first place, and see that the path I followed has always and will always lead to Him. He always leads you home, no matter what path you take. Always follow your dreams, because you have a heart that dreamt them for a reason.

New Day Resolution

I wrote this on 12/31/15, so even though it isn't technically  my first post of the new year, it's my first post of the New Year. ;)

 So much has happened in 2015,  a lot of bad and a lot of good, but I've seen the good through it all.
Sometimes I think we see New Years Eve as a day to look back at the whole past year of our lives and just bid it goodbye because tomorrow happens to be 2016.
Technically though, this whole year has gone by because of each day.
It's not like suddenly we're skipping from January 1, 2015- January 1,2016. There were 365 days in between, people! 365 days to be thankful that we have been blessed with so much or 365 days to feel half alive because things aren't "fair."
 Sure, there's been days where terrible things have happened, but there have also been amazing things that have happened in those days.
I think sometimes we tend to let our situations affect who we are negatively, instead of letting it positively shape us into who God intended us to be.
You can let the detrimental things tear you down and make you miserable, or you can allow God to remind you that he has been there all along, he picks up the pieces, and he walks WITH YOU through the storms.
It's easy to sit and look at every little thing that went wrong, but it's also just as easy to give that to God and believe that he will always shine through-even when we can't see it.
Because he does. And the most amazing things happen when we just trust him with our lives in the midst of everything happening that was never part of "our plan."
This year I interned for House Beautiful and got my first piece published, I graduated college, got pregnant, moved five times, faced situations that were uncomfortable, got 2 completely new part time jobs, got several freelance jobs, and more. A lot also happened before I graduated college in the months of January-May 2015. However, none of it was "easy."
It didn't happen how I thought it would, and none of it followed my exact "plan" I thought God had for my life.
However, it was all worth it. His plan is bigger than our plan, and THAT is worth it all. I'm so thankful. Each situation, as terrifying and hard as it was had a purpose. I might not have seen it at the time, but I can see it now. The things I'm going through now might be hard to face, but I know I'm grounded by the one who faced it all.
I'm thankful for this year because I'm alive, and the only reason I am is because of God.  Even though I've had such dark times, God's light has never gone out.  God has been bigger than all the pain. His light has never been snuffed out, and it never will be. He always had me and will always have me.
 I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for God, and I've gotten through everything I've been through because he holds me. He's my anchor.
Tomorrow marks another day that happens to be the start of a year full of promise. And this isn't a resolution. What am i trying to resolve? The fact that bad things have happened to me beyond my control? No, that isn't how life works. You either take life by the horns and live fulfilled because you know who fulfills you, or you walk around lost because you don't know where to turn and you just cling to certain things or people because they help you for the time being.

This year is a year of promise.
I get to meet my baby girl, start new projects, and continue to live in God's will for my life as I continue to grow in the love and grace that he has for me.
That's what excites me! That every day is a new beginning and a new step of our journey.  Walking by faith is better than anything we could ever plan out. Following his call for your life is what makes life an adventure. You can live your life by seeing each year as just a new start, or you can be thankful for the little things that each day brings that make the next day a new start. You have a choice. You can choose. I can choose, and I choose the latter.
Live each day to the fullest. Love yourself because He first loved us. Remember that love knows no bounds. Hold on to that simple fact that you were created in God's image. You were made pure.
There is purity in his purpose. In fact, you are his purpose.
I'm so excited to be given all that I have been this year, and because of that, my heart is full.
I hope that you can see the little things too and realize that they were actually the big things. And that when you focus on other people just as much as yourself, you in turn give so much hope to people. You find the hope in the hopelessness, and in that, a New Day has already been added to your New Year. ☺️❤️✌️

Photo By Emma Ricupero

Taken on 8.26.13

The Perks of Being a Part Time Receptionist and Full Time Pregnant Person

As much as I could complain about working while pregnant, I'll focus on the amazing things I love about my current part time job as a receptionist.

1. I get paid
2. People tell you "you have the cutest belly!" when technically they're complementing your uterus so you chuckle and say, "Thank you!" 
3. You laugh when you drink water because when you think about it you're "growing a human" and you are drinking water because "you need to water your baby." 
4. Someone asks you to "move to NJ with them and become their nanny," and while that would be great if you weren't 5 months pregnant at the time you tell them, " Well, I'm actually going to have my own little one soon," while they look at you in shock and respond, "YOU'RE PREGNANT?!" 
5. Guests don't get mad at you when you accidentally spill their salad dressing all over yourself and inside one of the ladies open purses while 6.5 months pregnant because you were trying to balance two heavy plates full of food and a tray on your stomach.
6. You apologize to that lady for about the 18th time when she's checking out and she goes, "It's ok, if I get hungry I'll just smell my purse!"
7.  People smile at your baby bump. (If if you actually think about it, it's a little creepy because they're smiling at a baby who could be hidden under the invisible cloak from Harry Potter. (which is your bump). You then wonder if they are Harry Potter fans too.
8.  People tip you!
9. No one glares at you while you're eating
10. People say "excuse me," and actually mean it because they're trying not to hit your bump
11. People complement your necklace, which, little did they know you bought right before you found out you were pregnant, and it just so happens to be your daughter's birthstone (And worth $2 at Forever21)
12. People smile.

    They smile a little more when they realize you're pregnant.

    They smile even more when they ask the gender and your response is, "A girl!" 

    They beam when they realize your mom is the massage therapist who just made them the most           relaxed person so far in human history.

    Then, when they find out it's your mom's first grand baby, they say to her, "that little girl is going       to be the light of your life!" 

And suddenly, all of the overwhelming mistakes you've made don't matter anymore because you finally feel like you've done something right. Because a complete stranger could look at you, not judge you, and say a complement that reminded you of your  true worth.

I hope that you have a lovely weekend and realize that your worth doesn't have anything to do with your mistakes.

Photo By Emma Ricupero

9.23.13

NEWS | Partnering With Brick and Portal

Hello!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

I'm super thankful and  happy to announce that I am now partnering with Brick and Portal! They are a lovely online platform that allows people to create their own store, representing their specific style while advertising products from various companies around the world. How exciting is that?! So basically, when you go to their website here you can view many stores that represent different styles.

Mine is entitled Emma Ricupero, so you can easily find me! The goal of my store is to sell merchandise for $50 or lower, and use as many companies as possible whose goal is to help third world countries, like Toms. Everything is sold for a retail price, so it's actually cheaper if you select the items from my store, than if you were to go to the actual company's store.

Checkout my store Emma Ricupero , not only to find styles curated by me, but to have the chance to purchase items that will help those who can't help themselves.

Let's start a revolution. Let's pay it forward.

{ Artwork and Photography Produced and Owned by Emma Ricupero }

Xoxo,

Emma

Some of My Work!

This is my first blog post actually posting some of my work! As an artist, I tend to only show people the finished products, but below I have some beginning sketches I just created today. Enjoy!

And this is me. Finished artwork will be posted later today!

You can follow me and the joys of my life (which currently include a lot of burritos) on my Instagram @ejricupero 

Affecting People with Positivity: How God Can Make Bad Things Beautiful Through Grace

    There's something really beautiful that I feel in my heart when I hear about/see people who have lived over half of their lives not knowing/following God, going through so many hardships, having their lives instantly changed by salvation, and then sharing that as a testimony of his grace. Now don't get me wrong- it's equally as beautiful when someone has known and followed God their entire life- but it just goes really deep when you see where God has brought someone to in such a short period of time from where they've been.

    Jefferson Bethke's new video on youtube made me think of that. He was saved at 19, is now 26, and is one of the many people I look up to because of the amazing things God has done in his life, and how God has turned terrible situations into beautiful testimonies that touch lives. How awesome is it that God places people in this world, in our lives, to teach each other about his incredible grace through our own life experiences? How incredible is it that Jeff has only lived a quarter of a century, yet his life situations are documented in a book that will last for more than centuries and touch lives of hundreds, thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions and more of people?

    That's what I want my life to be like. No, I don't want to get arrested at Target, although I have done some pretty crazy things like getting a ticket this year for sitting in a skate park after dark in NYC. I actually never knew that  was this huge concern since I wasn't doing anything illegal either than sitting in the park after midnight. Like don't cops in NYC have more important things to do then give me a ticket for sitting on cold cement after dark?? Anyway, that's a different story for a different day, but, back to the subject. I do want my life to be full of sharing with people  God's love and grace that isn't earned, but how it's freely given-when we don't deserve it- through the testimonies of my past experiences.

    I've known God since I was 8, but that doesn't mean I haven't gone through some pretty crazy things- bad situations can and will happen to you no matter how long you've been walking with God. That's just life- you're still living it no matter if you were born a Christian, became a Christian or never became one. Bad things don't just happen to good people, they happen to all people. The situations I've gone through in my 21 years of life have deeply effected me, but I don't let them continue to affect me. I also don't let them define me- I'm a child of God who is loved for who I am, not known by my mistakes. Your mistakes don't define who you are.

     Knowing God all of your life doesn't mean you don't have a testimony. You could have known him all this time and chose not to follow him. You could have followed him all this time and chose not to know him.  Let those two sentences sink in.

   It's basically the description of phrase we all know, "actions speak louder than words," put into the context of saying your a Christian, or actually being a Christian. You can say words but they're just going to be words until your actions show for what you say. There's the difference of just knowing Jesus or actually following Jesus. It doesn't matter "how long you've known Jesus," but how long you've walked with and followed him- how long you've let him know you.  I've known a lot of people in my life, but that doesn't mean that I've walked with them, been friends with them, and let them know me.

   Well it's the same thing with Jesus. Like I said before, you could have known him all this time and chose not to follow him, or you could have followed him all this time and chose not to know him.  Many people know the name Jesus, but do you just know of him or do you actually know who he is and follow him because of that?

    There's one other thing you could have done, other than not knowing him at all and it's knowing him all this time AND choosing to follow him. That's what I've done. Sure, I'm not perfect like anyone else and I've screwed up. I've fallen short and I've sinned, but that doesn't mean I'm not a follower of Christ. I've been forgiven and there's the grace of God that has allowed me to  let my past situations affect people in a positive way instead of continuing to effecting me in a negative way like they used to.

     I feel like that's truly how you let go of the past. and let God shine through your past as you share your testimony with people who need grace and hope just as much as you did during that time in your life. That's how God can truly turn a bad situation into something beautiful.  That doesn't mean, however, that you aren't going to ever struggle again with that past situation. It doesn't mean that someone isn't going to say something to you that makes you think of what happened to you. It doesn't mean that you're not going to feel an ounce of pain from the memory of the past.

    But the really great thing is that God knows. He knows your heart, how it needs to heal, and believe it or not, he tends to heal you the more you openly talk about it to people. And I don't mean you have to tell everyone you meet about that terrible thing that happened to you. If you want to- and the choice is completely up to you- you can start however you feel comfortable. Maybe with a pastor or  a friend via text, and increase it by gradually telling the people you trust as you feel more comfortable to do so. It actually helps your heal and I'm a witness to that.

    If you want God to change your circumstance you need to allow him to change your heart. Believe it or not, that's why he placed people on this earth. To walk alongside each other, encourage each other, and help each other grow.  Nine times out of ten the people you knew while you went through a situation that they didn't know happened to you will be more loving than you could possibly know, their words helping you grow but also helping you heal. By telling them you might even discover that they too went through that situation.

    That doesn't always look pretty- it doesn't always seem like this beautiful testimony right when you start to share. You might sob a lot and have snot dripping onto your shirt, but I promise you once you're healed and able to share that with people without those bodily things happening, it's going to be beautiful. When God's done with all the pruning and prodding to make you more beautiful than before- and he will do that- it's a lot easier to tell your testimony. It's a lot easier to see how God was there and he didn't leave you, now that you're looking back.  It's a lot easier to realize that you were actually never alone.

   That's part of how we can show people that we aren't defined by our situations, but we use these past experiences to define how good and just God is in a world that needs to know that there is hope. If you don't share what God has done in your life,  that one girl in youth group might never feel like someone understands what she's going through. She may never realize how much she's loved. She may never get the opportunity to turn her life around right then before she goes down a path that is so much worse. She may not get to experience the grace that you did, or realize that grace has always been waiting for her, because that same thing happened to you two years ago and you decided not to share it because you were afraid of being judged.

    I mean isn't that why we don't share things? We're afraid of being judged. We're so scared that what happened to us that was out of our control is going to negatively change how someone thinks of us, that we try to act like nothing has happened. We try to act like we're still the same happy kid that didn't have a care in the world as we ate an entire chocolate cake and had icing all over our faces, yet after eating that cake we have the worst stomach ache in the world.

    From past experience, I know that if someone I was close to looked at me as if I were a bad person because of what happened to me that was completely out of my control, they weren't worth my time. Luckily, ten times out of ten that never happened. Rarely does someone who loves and supports you look at your pain that was caused by a situation you couldn't control and spite you for it. Instead, believe it or not, they love you because they understand what it's like to be in a situation that's out of their control. They love you because they understand that.
 You may never know that what used to effect you negatively can now affect people positively until you share your story about how God has changed your life. It doesn't matter how small that may look to you, cause I guarantee you it will change at least one life.



If you're interested, here's Jefferson Bethke's newest video, on Youtube, which actually made me think of and write about this entire post, click this short, five minute video below. He also just came out with a new book, It's Not What you Think, which is an amazing book that I own and love, and stil haven't read because I've been reading pregancy books- HOWEVER I recommend it because I've seen and heard snippets of the book that are already wonderful. So why not buy this book and experience the entirety of wonderfulness? And the cover art is beautiful! There's also an audio book if you just want to hear it being read. The links to all of those sources are in the description of his video on Youtube. Enjoy!

Broken and Scattered- My Journey

I feel like it's easy to feel guilty for not doing something "the right way," especially when you grew up in the church. It's funny how I came back from NYC Sunday August 23rd with the thought in mind that I would get to see everyone back home in PA and they'd all act just like they did when I came home from breaks. The only difference was that I was pregnant, and I could just see the judgement plastered on some of the individuals of the church.

And it's sad. It's sad that the people who are "supposed" to be the most supportive people in your life look at you and judge you as if you committed this insane crime. And it's also sad because since we as Christians are "supposed" to be more like Jesus, viewing all sins the same- which actually makes it funny because my sin had nothing to do with anyone else (other than a man) and none of the people in the church were that man, so why should they judge or not "forgive" me? That isn't even there place.

I place quotations around the word "supposed" because people who don't follow Jesus sometimes think Christians follow this large rule book called the Bible and it makes them do things in order to get to heaven. The Bible is a basic instruction manual before leaving Earth, and you can call yourself a Christian and choose to follow the Bible  because you love Jesus and want to live a life that's meant for touching lives and changing the world through him, OR you can just stick that label on your forehead and choose to ignore the instruction manual and live life the way you think it should be lived-by you putting the pieces together without God's help.

I'm not writing this to try to give you a lesson about Christianity, but to express my feelings towards a particular season of my life. Babies are blessings- don't get me wrong- no matter what happened to you or what you did before or after marriage to physically carry it or adopt it. But it's really hard for me to completely believe that this little girl I'm carrying is such an amazing blessing when I got pregnant out of wedlock.

Growing up in the church, I knew I wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, and I knew that those were some of my biggest values all through high school, and yes, all through college. I've also grown up seeing other people in my school or the church get pregnant out of wedlock and catching myself judging them. Yes, I've done that too. And I've definitely repented because like everyone else, I'm nowhere near perfect. But I've never experienced a situation where I have gone up to a Christian I knew who got pregnant out of wedlock and said things that were judgmental, invasive and questioning their belief system.

That, unfortunately has happened to me. I've been judged in so many ways with people actually trying to have conversations with me about how "they thought I was waiting until marriage" and all of that lengthy speech that most non-believers see as what you're "supposed" to do as a Christian.

Sadly, some Christians also think it's required for you to not do any of those things in order to still call yourself a Christian. Suddenly, they forget about the large aspect of forgiveness. What makes that feeling of judgment hurt even worse is when people have no problem telling you what they thought your life was going to be about when they don't even know what you've been through, and what happened to you that started this chaotic cycle that consumed your life. And it's really sad that you have to climb out of the shell you've been hiding that part of your life in, that slowly breaks off by a small fraction of a piece each time you speak of it, to tell people what happened to you and then that judgement from that person suddenly vanishes, and suddenly it's ok that you're pregnant but you're not married. It might feel like the judgment has vanished from them, but it doesn't vanish as easily from your heart.

That hurts. Not only does it hurt that people you thought really cared about you could judge you so harshly, but it hurts even more when they realize they shouldn't be judging you anymore just because you told them what happened.

That's another thing you learn while growing up in the church. You learn to have grace for each other- no matter what people have done- and to love people unconditionally. You would think that when someone suddenly stops judging you it feels like a weight has been lifted off of your shoulder, but it doesn't. It just feels like one more person has added you to the list entitled Charity Case.

So hear me out. I love being pregnant, and I love that I am carrying a miracle. It's nothing like I ever planned it to be (is it ever?), but it's how God planned it to be. I never saw myself in this position, even at the end of college. I always pictured myself graduating college, having a steady job, meeting the man of my dreams, falling in love, getting married, and then having kids - in that order.

People also get this idea that I was corrupted in college and that's why I'm pregnant. People never corrupted me, but the enemy definitely tried to lead me down a path of lies and unworthiness. People were never the problem- things were never the problem. The problem was Satan, who's always trying to act like he has more power than God.

God might let me bend but he's not going to let me break. I may feel broken, but I have a God who can put all of those broken pieces back together and create something that was even more beautiful than before. He can completely break away my shell that I've used to hide away the pain.

It's hard for me to go to church every Sunday and truly believe that God is going to break every chain that I've felt weighed down by. I know that he can and  that he will, but that doesn't mean that it's still hard for me to believe that or that I still struggle.

It's hard to listen to songs that are meant to strengthen you and make you feel whole again, yet you can  barely get the words out to declare them over yourself because you're sobbing and you still feel broken from your past. Yes, you've forgiven people and yourself, but that doesn't mean you aren't still in pain. It especially doesn't mean that little things people say in front of you go in one ear and out the other because they have no idea what you've gone through. They don't know.

Yes, it's amazing to have a support system who cares so much about you  and understand why you feel hurt and are fragile, but it's still hard when you feel alone because the people around you don't specifically relate to your particular situation.

Sometimes, when people don't know what happened, they tend to group you into this cluster called Single Moms. I literally hate that phrase, label, group, orgy-whatever you'd like to refer it to it as. Just because I'm single and a mom does not make me a "single mom." Do you hear people going around calling moms who are married "married moms"?  No, you don't, because that would sound stupid. Well so does the term "single mom" to me, so don't ever call me that. Whether you're single or married, you are still are mother. Therefore, I am a "Mom" with a capital "M". You can call me Emma or Mom.

God's still working on my heart and my emotions. I'm even more emotional now than ever because I'm pregnant, but that still doesn't mean I'm not broken. Whenever I hear the song "Broken Vessels" by Hillsong, I always think of the verse that says, "All these pieces, broken and scattered in Mercy gathered, mended and whole. Empty handed, but not forsaken. I've been set free, I've been set free."

One day, I'm going to be able to sing out that verse in church without sobbing. One day I'm not going to have to think of the season of my life where that verse explained it all. One day I'm going to feel different while singing that  because one day I'm going to feel my brokenness gathered by the mercy of Jesus and setting me free.

IT'S A...

So I've known the gender of my little cinnamon bun since October 1st, but I forgot to tell all ya'll! It's a...

GIRL!! I just took this photo yesterday for KRZ's PregnantPumpkin contest. Todays the last day to enter by posting a photo of your stomach painted like a pumpkin to win a free year's supply of diapers! I'm 22 weeks and 5 days, and have been feeling her kick like crazy. She's my favorite and I'm so excited to meet her!

You can vote for me at the link below, thank you!!

<script type="text/javascript" src="http://wkrz.upickem.net/engine/SubmissionWidget.aspx?PageType=VOTING&ContestID=187978&SubmissionID=80108988"></script>

Surprises and Goodness

This is my first time blogging as a mom to be, on my iPhone. ( I'll be 17 weeks tomorrow!) It's kind of crazy, all that's happened this year-  I graduated from Pratt Institute in May, got pregnant, moved four times ( the last being home to PA), got a new job, and now here I am- blogging to you.
Can we just stop and realize how good God is for a moment? He places us on the earth, raises us up, educates us, gives us a career, and then we begin a whole new life by acquiring another life.  It just wows me. That he the creator of it all, has destined us for so much life and greatness beyond our wildest imagination.
Believe me, I never thought I would be a college graduate and pregnant by 20. It's truly wild. But he knew. He knew every hair on my head, every trial I would face, and he knows the same amount for me that he currently knows for my almost 17 week-old fetus. He knows his/her entire life because he knit that beautiful being in my womb and has a plan for him/her. He is a good God. He is faithful, fertile, and fervent. February 2016 is gonna be the arrival of this precious gift, and I can't wait to meet my baby! But first, I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or girl. I've got a list of names right here:
Girls:
Finley Kate
Hazel Acelyn
Poppy Kate
Violet Harper
Harmony Lee
Tessa Quinn

Boys:
Leeland James
Deklyn James

Going for Finley Kate (or Finley Acelyn) and Leeland James

It's super wild, and life's a journey, but the exciting thing is that we get to walk this life with Christ. He leads us, takes care of us, and shows us that his plans for our life are even greater and better than our own.

Xoxo,
Emma

Typical New Yorkers

Hahaha have you ever blogged in a store? Me either. Doing it now in urban. I got a pretty ring. It's on my pinky. It's so nice out today. I love June. I love NY. I LOVE the fact that my seventy seven year old super fist pumped me today. I think it made my life. I'm currently reading Ellen's book, Seriously I'm Kidding. It's a laugh full. Is that even a word? Well I just made it up. Man i love hamburgers. There is a store employee standing right next to me. Does she see me? She's hang clothes. I'm scared. This is awkward. Hmm I don't think she minds. Gosh I love tomatoes. I'm going to get them on my burger. Oops I just scared her. Gave me a good laugh. There's a five guys right next door. I am happy. Also getting bbq sauce on zee burger. I love people. And puppies. PUPPIES. gotta get my fix. Told someone that once and he though I was getting my puppy fixed. I don't have a dog, you silly man. Oh my gosh, the other night I got asked off the subway by a cop because I was occupying more than one seat. It made me so angry and I snap chatted about it. It made me feel better. I snap about a lot of my life. It makes me happy. I like people. I said that already. I'm gonna go now before I eat you all. I'm not a vegetarian but I'm also not a cannibal. So what am I? I'll let you ponder that.
Aloha.
You know you love me.
Xoxo Emma

Poetry In Motion

Sometimes you have to take time for yourself, right a lot of words on a page, and then be inspired to do homework. So here's a weirdly formatted poem about dreams.


I think it's time to stop thriving, and start dreaming. To look up into the places above and see more than just a ceiling. There comes a time when you may feel hopeless, or alone, but don't let that time be short, because you'll look back and see that time that was wasted is gone. No more, no longer able to explore. A mystery that only you can see yet you choose to ignore. So vividly imagine what awaits is up to you. You have every choice you could imagine to make and are walking in your shoes. Love unconditionally, breath breathlessly, ignite the passionate fury for your dreams and hopes to immerse in the sea of life. Which is more than just a ride. It's a daily  journey that you will be apart of until the day you die. Where you can step inside and freely take a side. Focus on the now, maybe the future, but not so much that you can't enjoy what is before you. In the moment of bliss that turns into something chaotic will soon simmer down into the hopes of the less exotic. Where tragedy takes over and weakens your hunger to devote your time and energy to the things that you want to see. The believability that something will break free. Take hold of your right to ignite a flame of passion in the midst of madness and burn brighter than the darkness. Because it's you that might harness the flame that starts a fire of dreams full of desire. That impact the world and bring a revelation that this life is lived once, there's no reincarnation. Effortlessly give what you're willing to risk, but also realize if you risk it all you could live your life to its fullest.

Blood- Donate It

I've been hearing about the next blood drive at my school, and honestly I've been a little disheartened and even slightly irritated by it. I donated blood for the first time during Thanksgiving break last November 2013. But before that I tried to donate twice and those attempts were unsuccessful. The first time went from being fearless to fearful. It felt like I was being stabbed in the arm and I started crying uncontrollably. Let's just say it was not a "pinch and a burn." and the pain I felt did not feel like I was being stuck with a needle in my vein. I'm pretty sure it was my nerve. It traumatized me, but I decided to try again in September of last year. My iron was too low then, so I luckily didn't have to experience a terrible stabbing. The first successful donation, however, was barely painful and felt amazing. Amazing to have donated, not amazing pain because that does not exist for me.
When I tell part of my testimony, and how my arm started to go numb last April leading to me being in the hospital and having a crazy vision, I've felt a little angered. Angered that this was all from me trying to help people, and the person who tried to help me ended up hurting me. Partially because after talking with nurses, my acupuncturist and chiropractor, we've come to the conclusion that this problem with my arm stiffening stemmed from donating blood, and that's why I probably have a pinched nerve.
However, when I just read an email about donating blood, my heart released a lot of empathy. Even though I went through a lot of pain, I helped three people. In fact, I saved three lives. We tend to overlook that part, partially because it's said so often. A newborn baby, someone battling cancer, or someone who was in a car accident. Not just a random, ordinary, walking down the street smiling and drinking Starbucks kind of life, a quickly vanishing one.
 I think that compared to the pain that those people were going through, mine was and is miniscule. Even though I had to and who knows how long I might have to go through this arm pain, it happened for a reason. I don't know what that reason is in it's entirety, but I do know that the pain I felt is just a glimpse of the amount of pain experienced when you lose someone. Especially when you know they could have been helped. I would love to somehow meet the people who my blood went to. I know that's probably naive because it's done anonymously, but I will know one day because there's more to this life than earth. I never thought directly about that, but now that I think about it it's really cool to imagine who they are and what they look like. Their story. If there was any way to find that out or see how far they've come, that would be incredible.
 Now I don't openly encourage people like I once did to donate blood, but I do stop and think that I may need to reconsider that. I don't know if I'll necessarily be donating anytime soon, but I don't want my story to stop people from wanting to donate. People who are healthy and in the weight regimen to donate choose not to because they are afraid or don't trust people. Or, the saddest part, they just don't care. For some odd reason their life is more important than the lives that are being lost. I guess that makes sense, since we live in a society that tends to focused on your own life and is consumed with fulfilling wants and needs. But that doesn't mean it's right.
People tend to forget what it feels like to be in desperate need for something, partially because they've never been in that situation before. You might say you're afraid of needles. I get it. But the pain and fear combination of sitting for maybe ten minutes is incomparable to the longevity you can give to a person by giving away something you freely have flowing through you. They have less time then you, and they are desperate. Ten minutes of your time is adding on a continuation instead of an elimination of life.  So as a hypothetical math equation, 10 min = 1,000 or more minutes of life. That's amazing. Life is a gift, and it's been given so freely. So if you are able, you are more than capable to face fear and donate a pint of blood to someone who might be facing the worst challenge of their life. What you do does make a difference. Please donate!

 People tend to forget what it feels like to be in desperate need for something, partially because they've never been in that situation before. You might say you're afraid of needles. I get it. But the pain and fear combination of sitting for maybe ten minutes is incomparable to the longevity you can give to a person by giving away something you freely have flowing through you. They have less time then you, and they are desperate. Ten minutes of your time is adding on a continuation instead of an elimination of life.  So as a hypothetical math equation, 10 min = 1,000 or more minutes of life. That's amazing. Life is a gift, and it's been given so freely. So if you are able, you are more than capable to face fear and donate a pint of blood to someone who might be facing the worst challenge of their life. What you do does make a difference. Please donate!

Dreams and Thankfulness

I'm sitting here at my desk in my dorm room at 3:16 am. I'm working on homework and I couldn't ask for anything better. I just like to sit here and be immersed in a field of creativity and brainstorming. I feel like in my room I generate ideas and become so much more productive than I am in class. Where I can think.
I've been thinking about a lot of things I'm thankful for lately, and what I'm dreaming for. I'm thankful for water, intricately decorated ceramic cups, new sketchbook paper, macs, milkshakes, coconut and papaya soap, granola, moms, dreams, family, babies, children wearing sunglasses, frisbee, and sunlight. Pure sunlight. I have so many dreams, dreams that just escalade beyond my wildest imagination. I want to live in the city one day, like Maine or California. To walk down a cobblestone pathway pushing a stroller and laughing in the slight breeze. To have a husband who cherishes me and supports my dreams and runs with me. Who chases after me and accepts me for who I am. Sweet children I can bake for, cook for, clean up, and dance with. Lives that I can instill truth in and teach. Little hands that I can hold and put tiny mittens on. Paintings, murals, stone, vases, and flowers that will flood my home and make it mine. The pitter patter of tiny footsteps down the hall, excited or afraid- always knowing I'll be there. Humor, lots of it and endless jokes. A hilarious husband who loves the beach and takes me on traveling journeys across the world. Who likes the smell of saltwater the the feeling of the wind on your back as the sun beats down across your soft skin.  Who reminds me of who I am when I don't believe in myself. Who reminds me of the father's love. A job that I love, whether it's being a stay at home mom, a work at home mom, a designer, or an illustrator. A church that can impact people and raise hope and faith higher than ever before. Family that lives close by so we can go on dates. Bikes with bells on them that we ride down the street. A safe haven. A window with a view of lights and a seat of cushions. Dreams that never die. Hope that lives on, and a love for life so strong that nothing will ever shake it.

...just some early morning banter, and some processing of how much I love to live and dare to dream. Because I know these things can come true.

P.s. Or maybe I'll move back to NYC, you know, that "concrete jungle where dreams are made of." ;)

Keep Summer

I've been thinking of a lot of methods lately to bring warmth into these cold months. (And it's only August, I shouldn't have to be telling you about this yet!) I hate to break it to ya, but it feels like October. I saw a red leaf already on a green tree today. Yikes! But, there is hope for warmth. Yes, inside, but it's more than just heat. Maybe it's because I'm a lifeguard and there's sand in my veins (mostly from accidental grains of sand swept by the wind into my water jug,) but I love sunshine, warmth, and the tropical aspect of both of those things. So what have I been doing? Well, back in June I decorated some picture frames with seashells and sand. That alone, in my opinion, can bring an instant feeling of warmth into any cold room. It's also a great way to condense all of those seashells you collect from trips on vacation that sit aimlessly in piles. Or a cup. Or strewn about on the floor. So the frames I made are all coming back to college with me on Tuesday, in bubble wrap and despite my father's attempt to squish everything into our Toyota Camry.  They will survive.I also just opened up a Papaya Coconut soap ( perfection!) which is so rich and inviting, leaving a pure aroma of the beach on your skin. For the hair I've become accustomed to Brazilian Keratin Hair Therapy shampoo and conditioner that are awaiting their use in my shower caddy. A final, and the easiest way to bring some warmth into your life for these cold spells is Jesus. Simply put, let him come and seep into your heart, warm you mind with positive thoughts and penetrate your soul for something deeper. Oh, and don't cut your hair. Let it get beachy. Mine is only doing that because I won't splurge to get a haircut (I'm actually just stubborn and refuse to let someone other than my friend who now lives in Alabama cut my hair.) And eat chocolate, because that is a nonseasonal treat, so enjoy it as you gaze at your seashell frames across the wall.
Maybe I just have summer fever?
Well it's never leaving, so I hope you indulge on the shortness of the season and let it last much longer in decorations and beauty products.
I hope my tips were a little helpful!

About 14 years ago when my sister (left) was 5 and I (right) was 7. Duces.

My car ride home from college in May 2014

Poetic Beauty

Tuesday I saved a little girl's life. Yesterday I sun bathed in the beckoning sun while no one attended the beach, and today I was saved from being impaled by a strong and stationary (or so I thought) lifeguarding chair while illustrating. This week, and especially these past few days have been pretty incredible. Quiet, simple, and restful.  To say the least, Pennsylvania has been getting the best of me. Now that's something I never thought I'd say before I went to college in the big apple, and something I think about more often than not now that I'm home for summer break. Keep Pennsylvania Beautiful. Those signs all over the high ways and disheveled twisty roads? Yeah, they make their mark. Pennsylvania truly is beautiful. I can stare at the wispy clouds for hours, and I usually do since I lifeguard on the open waterfront of the beach in my community that's full of caring and quiet retired folk and families who arrive on the weekends to catch the sun's rays, watching their children squeal in the cool and earthy lake. The only litter I find is a sand filled cap of a Corona light or a cigarette butt (possibly some dinosaurs, the plastic kind)-two things I don't necessarily enjoy but it's better than piles of McDonald's trash and old items I can't recognize smelling of smog, death and pooled in a murky puddle. I can sing in the quiet as the notes lilt upon the breeze and make their home in the ever-growing pine trees. Pine needles. Fresh breaths of air that are quickly captured by the radiating sun that shines on the birds chirping high above the trees. A black bear eating my neighbor's suet feeder and trying to pole vault with the feeder's stand. Sand castles arrayed upon the soft ground as two children cackle and throw a squishy blue ball across the beach, creating a game they don't even know the rules for. Splashing into a lake that is full of freshwater and free of oil and harmful chemicals. Health. Diving, spinning, sinking, stroking, breathing. Swimming is my safe haven. The one activity where I glide effortlessly across an open body of water without feeling any pain in my body other than my lungs gasping for air momentarily. My life has felt like a poem lately, so I want to reciprocate that to you. To let you know that there is more than any struggle you are facing. Stop what your doing, take a moment, look around you, and see the endless beauty in this world that was created in six days. These things we take for granted have been spoken into utter existence in a sentence.  Appreciate these moments. There will never be a moment like it again.  No matter what the scenery is- city lights, country fields, raging storms- there is always a beautiful sky that you can get lost in, letting it engulf you and remind you of the endless beauty there is in the stillness.
Dream.
Delight.
Rest.
Hope.
Enjoy.
Breathe.
Laugh.
Pray.
Be.

My hope for you is that you can take the time to notice the little things that make up this great big world and create an even bigger and brighter difference than if you hadn't noticed them at all. That there is life, and beyond your greatest moment, there is an even greater life.

Dogs, Trust, and Grace

Lately I've been dog sitting. This is the fifth day out of seven, and it can get a little messy. Two pooches- a black lab/Australian shepherd mix, and some kind of terrier. It starts with a W, and that's all I've got. Let's just have a little dog discussion quickly if you aren't already aware of these two breeds. They are polar opposites. Labs lick people, have high speed energy, wake up early, are man handled into cages, eat all of the food, jump on people, jump in lakes repeatedly, fetch, and never.get.tired. Terriers sleep late, enjoy smells, lay next to you and apparently like macbooks, enjoy quiet, and eat slowly. Terriers are like me. Labs are not like me. Terriers and labs cofunction as instigators who aspire to make me yell.  Tucker and Nia. They're lovely when you sit down and write a blog post, like now, but they're full of exuberant energy and think I'm an impenetrable human chew toy whenever I first wake them up in the morning, stand up, throw a ball, or eat my own cookie.

 They firmly belief in the movie Yours, Mine, and Ours, yet in the sense of a two year old's perspective, so "mine." I feed them, and then I go to eat and they think it's time to eat again. I call it a cookie when they want a treat, yet open my package of cookies when I want a treat, and they think it's automatically for them. They make me think of what it will be like to have kids one day. And I become completely terrified. And maybe that's a good thing since they bite. Not, kids, dogs. Actually that's debatable. 

 A blessing is a burden. The downside of them is that they can't communicate with me, however, the plus side is that I can tell them what to do. So I am the dog trainer, communicator, food service representative, and authoritative green bean (I'm skinny.) They also can't read my blogposts, which is another blessing. For as smart as people say dogs are, you would think that they could read. Maybe they can. They can't speak to us in English, so I guess we would never know.

 Nia, the eldest and the terrier with the most well-behaved temperament is a cuddle bug.  He behaves, that is, until Tucker, the massive pup starts jumping and gnawing on my hands, and thinks I'm playing when I scold him or try to push him off. When that happens, Nia joins in, except he's short, so he jumps up and latches on to me, so I feel like I'm being bitten. 

All of these complaints I'm making on the negative aspects of dog sitting are good representations of distractions of this world. They make us angry, festering on little things. But when we stop, when we fix our eyes on the beauty and inspiration all around us, on the quiet, candescent moments, we begin to realize how much God is holding the world in his hands. He never falters, he never fails, he doesn't bite. He doesn't try to take your cookie. He loves you, he cuddles with you, and restores you with a peace that passes all understanding. 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. Delight with him in all your ways and he will make your paths straight."

I promise you that there are good things about these dogs. Tucker shows his affection by licking your face eagerly, the only time it gets bad is if you just so happen to be singing a song when he does this, and then his head wacks your tooth. He also has the agility and speed to chase a ball in my neighbors giant back yard, and it reminds me of joy. Him and Nia sit on command. Usually it's with a "cookie," but at least they sit. Nia folds himself gently under your legs when you're only the couch. He gets warm and so do I. Free heater. Tucker wakes up at 6:30am with a few barks, the perfect reminder when I forgot to set my alarm clock the first day. 

 It's kind of crazy how God gives us relentless grace in the midst of our complaints and anger. And through that, we're reminded of what it is to truly trust him. The dogs are trusting me, so I can trust an even bigger God who puts up with my mistakes and gives me the responsibility of doing just that but with grace. Lord, give me more grace for these pups.

This is Rigby, another puppy of my life not aforementioned 

Creativity

I've been working on a painting lately, and thus I've been thinking about all things artistic. And then analogies. Oh how I love the analogies! Ever since I actually learned that term in AP US History in eleventh grade in high school, I've never stopped using it on a day to day basis. Analogies just paint vivid pictures for me in my imagination.
 Whenever I start a painting, I feel completely disorganized and out of sorts. I sketch my piece, see where the pencil marks are,  see how ugly they look, check my proportions, see how incorrect they are, erase, repeat. And I do that a few more times until it's absolutely perfect. Then I look at the whole picture of what I'm painting, and try to piece it apart in my mind, stripping away all of the layers to see  where the colors truly began. To see the simplicity. Then my mind continues to avidly think about that while my hands decide to dance across the canvas to the flow of the music I'm playing, emersed in colors that aren't even part of the picture. Then I realize how I've lost sight of what I'm actually doing. Whenever I'm in my creative zone (which is 99% of the time,) I always feel a constant battle. The battle between focus and being lead astray, I literally see that as my mind is focused on how to piece colors, proportions, perspective, and design together, while my hands seem to have a mind of their own- and it's not just since my right arm started going numb and I've been using both hands, it's actually something I've been wrestling with my entire life.
So I ask myself, " why can't I just focus, why am I losing sight of the simplicity, and making it harder for myself?" Then I hear the word "distraction."
 Distraction consumes lives and a lot of times causes us to forget how simple things can be if we just focus on what's important. What's simple.
Our brains were designed by a God who puts so much focus, time and energy into us. He creatively placed each and every brain cell in your brain for a purpose. And don't try to sit here and think of all the ways you aren't creative. You are creative. Except it. It doesn't mean you have to paint or make you tube videos. There's more to life and creativity than the obvious subjects of this noun. A lot of times, being creative can be as simple as just thinking of how to get to higher thinking. To stop thinking of this world and focusing on Jesus instead. So instead of focusing on a distraction like, "what am I not creative," think of all the reasons you are creative! You can't bash the creativity when you were CREATED by a creative God. Look at that, three "creatives" in a sentence. I'm sure you are thinking about a better way that could be said. That's creativity too. The creative gene has already been planted inside of you, inside your brain, and inside your heart. The only thing that keeps us from doing what we're called to do is distraction. But when we fix our eyes on the truth, that we were made for a purpose, that we were created by a creative God, the distractions won't weaken us so much. Since our eyes are fixed on God, he can piece together our lives, and before we know it, it'll all come together. Most of the time it's even better than we could imagine. It's creative.

A sneak peak of my current painting I'm working on for my cousin!

The Aroma of Love

Today I've been super focused on warming my heart. I woke up to a rainy day, a bit chilly, out of sorts, and exhausted. As the day progressed, the outside temperature became cooler as well as my body temperature. It wasn't until I made a piping hot mug of Lemon Ginseng tea that I took a moment to just stop, breathe in the warmth, and think. Ponder. Become thankful. I sat clenching my mug to my chest in the most elegant way a person can while they're freezing cold, and just sat in the quiet and let the light, lemony aroma seep into my tired and cold heart.
I've noticed that my heart tends to be cold here in Pennsylvania. Not cold-hearted- I've always loved people-but cold as in restricted. Desolated. But as I sit and am aware of how I'm feeling, I'm quickly reminded of how warm God's heart is for me, for us. Today I opened up my bible app on my Ipod and quickly read this verse of the day:

 Philippians 1:9-11 "I pray that your love will keep on growing and that you will fully know and understand how to make the right choices. Then you will still be pure and innocent when Christ returns. And until that day, Jesus will keep you busy doing good deeds that bring glory and praise to God."

I don't know about you, but this verse makes me really want to love people, and love starts with the heart. I'm realizing that if my heart is cold and desolated, I can only love on people and be able to show them love if I first remind myself of how God first loved me, and that is truly what warms the heart. Who knows, that aroma might even smell like lemons to you.

Or Rice.

Watermelon, Books, and Seashells

Lately I've been really into nutrition, reading, and art (obviously.) . Not only have I been annoying my lovely mother since I'm home for the summer, but I got her to let me juice a watermelon. A watermelon! Well, "my portion" of a watermelon, so a green plastic bowl's worth, aka a serving size. Watermelon is delicious, but I'm not too much of a fan of eating it before a workout, nor am I happy about getting drenched it. As crazy as it sounds, for an art student, I actually prefer not getting my hands messy.  So I thought of a better plan.
Did you know you could drink watermelon juice?? I was reading in Fitness magazine that watermelon juice contains a large amount  l-citrulline, which is shown to help muscles heal quicker after a workout. Since this appealed to me so much. I threw my portion of watermelon in the blender, pureed it, and it's now happily sitting in my fridge, where I take it out each morning and enjoy a refreshing glass. To test it out I did a small ab workout, and I wasn't sore the next day, so it works!

P.S. Recognize the towel?

    Not only did I juice yesterday, but I read. A lot. I was so bored that I read three different books, and I'm pretty sure that was all I did. Oh wait, I also did laundry, ate an eggless cookie, and sang songs from the Lion King and some other Disney movies with my darling sister. You could have seen an opera show for free! You probably also would have come out barley being about to hear. Just kidding, we're good singers!
Anyways, the first book I read I don't remember the title, but I do remember that it was really good. Joel Olsteen wrote it, and one of the stories was about how his mom overcame liver cancer when she was told she only had two weeks to live. So miraculous! The second book I finished up was Spoken For by Robin Jones Gunn and Alyssa Joy Bethke. Talk about delightful. I really recommend reading it, because it doesn't just remind you of who you are ,but also who God says you are. To be reminded that you are his bride, no matter what age and no matter whether you are married or not. It came out in April, and is online at amazon.com in Kindle version (that's what I read!) and paperback, so check it out, you won't be disappointed! I'm also finishing up The Moon and More, by Sarah Dessen. Whenever I read her books I think of summer, probably because I'm pretty sure every one of her books take place in the summer and are romances-two of my favorite things. This book is also probably why everything I've been doing is replicating the beach.
I've had a lot of seashells that used to sit displayed on an sea-themed tray on top of my dresser, seashells scattered around the tray and in bowls, adding a decor of an endless ocean and sandy beach. Well now that I'm realizing how much more I hate winter in NYC since it's much more frigid and the snow piles up higher than Pratt's security gates, I've realized how much I've missed and appreciate summer. So, I've been pinteresting, scheming, and designing ways I can effectively use my seashells, change up my room, preserve, and utilize them while also downsizing. I've realized how filled my room has become since I've gotten back from college, and have been a tad bit paralyzed by the large quantities of boxes, clothing, and limited space. So, I've created designs on many of my boring picture frames using shells, sand, and marble stones. I've also filled up a jar with shells, water and a tea light (thank you pinterest.)Today I decided to paint and seashell a giant jewelry box, and create a board that I already had some collected Dove chocolate wrappers glued onto, which I added seashells to and painted a pale yellow. It turned out looking like the floor of Katie's house in Safe Haven, which I love, so I love it! I hope you enjoy what I've been up to lately, and that you choose to keep healthy and craft as well!