Creativity

I've been working on a painting lately, and thus I've been thinking about all things artistic. And then analogies. Oh how I love the analogies! Ever since I actually learned that term in AP US History in eleventh grade in high school, I've never stopped using it on a day to day basis. Analogies just paint vivid pictures for me in my imagination.
 Whenever I start a painting, I feel completely disorganized and out of sorts. I sketch my piece, see where the pencil marks are,  see how ugly they look, check my proportions, see how incorrect they are, erase, repeat. And I do that a few more times until it's absolutely perfect. Then I look at the whole picture of what I'm painting, and try to piece it apart in my mind, stripping away all of the layers to see  where the colors truly began. To see the simplicity. Then my mind continues to avidly think about that while my hands decide to dance across the canvas to the flow of the music I'm playing, emersed in colors that aren't even part of the picture. Then I realize how I've lost sight of what I'm actually doing. Whenever I'm in my creative zone (which is 99% of the time,) I always feel a constant battle. The battle between focus and being lead astray, I literally see that as my mind is focused on how to piece colors, proportions, perspective, and design together, while my hands seem to have a mind of their own- and it's not just since my right arm started going numb and I've been using both hands, it's actually something I've been wrestling with my entire life.
So I ask myself, " why can't I just focus, why am I losing sight of the simplicity, and making it harder for myself?" Then I hear the word "distraction."
 Distraction consumes lives and a lot of times causes us to forget how simple things can be if we just focus on what's important. What's simple.
Our brains were designed by a God who puts so much focus, time and energy into us. He creatively placed each and every brain cell in your brain for a purpose. And don't try to sit here and think of all the ways you aren't creative. You are creative. Except it. It doesn't mean you have to paint or make you tube videos. There's more to life and creativity than the obvious subjects of this noun. A lot of times, being creative can be as simple as just thinking of how to get to higher thinking. To stop thinking of this world and focusing on Jesus instead. So instead of focusing on a distraction like, "what am I not creative," think of all the reasons you are creative! You can't bash the creativity when you were CREATED by a creative God. Look at that, three "creatives" in a sentence. I'm sure you are thinking about a better way that could be said. That's creativity too. The creative gene has already been planted inside of you, inside your brain, and inside your heart. The only thing that keeps us from doing what we're called to do is distraction. But when we fix our eyes on the truth, that we were made for a purpose, that we were created by a creative God, the distractions won't weaken us so much. Since our eyes are fixed on God, he can piece together our lives, and before we know it, it'll all come together. Most of the time it's even better than we could imagine. It's creative.

A sneak peak of my current painting I'm working on for my cousin!

The Aroma of Love

Today I've been super focused on warming my heart. I woke up to a rainy day, a bit chilly, out of sorts, and exhausted. As the day progressed, the outside temperature became cooler as well as my body temperature. It wasn't until I made a piping hot mug of Lemon Ginseng tea that I took a moment to just stop, breathe in the warmth, and think. Ponder. Become thankful. I sat clenching my mug to my chest in the most elegant way a person can while they're freezing cold, and just sat in the quiet and let the light, lemony aroma seep into my tired and cold heart.
I've noticed that my heart tends to be cold here in Pennsylvania. Not cold-hearted- I've always loved people-but cold as in restricted. Desolated. But as I sit and am aware of how I'm feeling, I'm quickly reminded of how warm God's heart is for me, for us. Today I opened up my bible app on my Ipod and quickly read this verse of the day:

 Philippians 1:9-11 "I pray that your love will keep on growing and that you will fully know and understand how to make the right choices. Then you will still be pure and innocent when Christ returns. And until that day, Jesus will keep you busy doing good deeds that bring glory and praise to God."

I don't know about you, but this verse makes me really want to love people, and love starts with the heart. I'm realizing that if my heart is cold and desolated, I can only love on people and be able to show them love if I first remind myself of how God first loved me, and that is truly what warms the heart. Who knows, that aroma might even smell like lemons to you.

Or Rice.

Watermelon, Books, and Seashells

Lately I've been really into nutrition, reading, and art (obviously.) . Not only have I been annoying my lovely mother since I'm home for the summer, but I got her to let me juice a watermelon. A watermelon! Well, "my portion" of a watermelon, so a green plastic bowl's worth, aka a serving size. Watermelon is delicious, but I'm not too much of a fan of eating it before a workout, nor am I happy about getting drenched it. As crazy as it sounds, for an art student, I actually prefer not getting my hands messy.  So I thought of a better plan.
Did you know you could drink watermelon juice?? I was reading in Fitness magazine that watermelon juice contains a large amount  l-citrulline, which is shown to help muscles heal quicker after a workout. Since this appealed to me so much. I threw my portion of watermelon in the blender, pureed it, and it's now happily sitting in my fridge, where I take it out each morning and enjoy a refreshing glass. To test it out I did a small ab workout, and I wasn't sore the next day, so it works!

P.S. Recognize the towel?

    Not only did I juice yesterday, but I read. A lot. I was so bored that I read three different books, and I'm pretty sure that was all I did. Oh wait, I also did laundry, ate an eggless cookie, and sang songs from the Lion King and some other Disney movies with my darling sister. You could have seen an opera show for free! You probably also would have come out barley being about to hear. Just kidding, we're good singers!
Anyways, the first book I read I don't remember the title, but I do remember that it was really good. Joel Olsteen wrote it, and one of the stories was about how his mom overcame liver cancer when she was told she only had two weeks to live. So miraculous! The second book I finished up was Spoken For by Robin Jones Gunn and Alyssa Joy Bethke. Talk about delightful. I really recommend reading it, because it doesn't just remind you of who you are ,but also who God says you are. To be reminded that you are his bride, no matter what age and no matter whether you are married or not. It came out in April, and is online at amazon.com in Kindle version (that's what I read!) and paperback, so check it out, you won't be disappointed! I'm also finishing up The Moon and More, by Sarah Dessen. Whenever I read her books I think of summer, probably because I'm pretty sure every one of her books take place in the summer and are romances-two of my favorite things. This book is also probably why everything I've been doing is replicating the beach.
I've had a lot of seashells that used to sit displayed on an sea-themed tray on top of my dresser, seashells scattered around the tray and in bowls, adding a decor of an endless ocean and sandy beach. Well now that I'm realizing how much more I hate winter in NYC since it's much more frigid and the snow piles up higher than Pratt's security gates, I've realized how much I've missed and appreciate summer. So, I've been pinteresting, scheming, and designing ways I can effectively use my seashells, change up my room, preserve, and utilize them while also downsizing. I've realized how filled my room has become since I've gotten back from college, and have been a tad bit paralyzed by the large quantities of boxes, clothing, and limited space. So, I've created designs on many of my boring picture frames using shells, sand, and marble stones. I've also filled up a jar with shells, water and a tea light (thank you pinterest.)Today I decided to paint and seashell a giant jewelry box, and create a board that I already had some collected Dove chocolate wrappers glued onto, which I added seashells to and painted a pale yellow. It turned out looking like the floor of Katie's house in Safe Haven, which I love, so I love it! I hope you enjoy what I've been up to lately, and that you choose to keep healthy and craft as well!

Realizing the Beauty

So today was full of sunshine, bubbles, snacks, and drawing. It was beautiful out, I got to babysit two of the sweetest kids in my community, wore my new lifeguard swim top, pet the sweetest old dog, got a glimpse of how mom's feel like while babysitting a seven and nine year old, ate carrots, babysat 2 amazing but exhausting children for the third time in a row this week, learned about trains and cars from Dylan (7) didn't get convinced by Rayvin (9) that Daisy (the sweetest old dog) didn't want to eat her dog food and should instead eat carrots instead because Daisy doesn't like Beneful since it's bad for her and wants Iams-Oh, child- which caused me to go into a semi-lengthy discussion about harmful ingredients in food (thank you senior project in high school), ate delicious spaghetti because my mom is awesome, and drew a picture at the lake after getting very angry and then simmering down to experience true peace and grace. Sometimes on days like these, when I have to be somewhere at 2:30pm (which is this entire week) and don't get ready and motivated until eleven or noon, I do relaxing things but feel useless. I let anger take over, distraction, and start to become consumed by myself instead of letting myself become consumed with God. I didn't really realize this until I got so angry after dinner that I stormed down to the lake with my sketchbook. Yes, I began to angrily draw the dock (yay, it's out and I'll begin life guarding in t-minus two weeks!!) and grumble about how stupid and boring and mundane everything is here in PA, but it wasn't until I sat down drawing for at least half an hour that I felt the true peace of God. I looked down at my paper- black ink, countless pen strokes, monotony- and looked back at the water which was still, timeless, and peaceful. I then realized that in the midst of my crazy busy life, God is always there, he's always peaceful, and no craziness can disturb his beauty and peace. And now, sitting here, I'm reminded of the sunshine and goodness he always brings to me, whether it's in fashion, painting my nails, or sunbathing, there is so much more than the things I can see at the moment. There is b e a u t y.

A picture package of how I began to beautify in the beauty of outdoors!

Post Freshman Year at Pratt: A Chapter of Plans and Crazy Blessings

My life has been a little crazy lately, but it's a good crazy! The crazy that makes you feel like flying. The crazy that makes you feel like so much is going on around you yet there is still so much hope and belief for God's very plan for you.Plans. Let's make a list about my plans since Tuesday, May 13th when I moved out of my dorm for the summer because lists are fun and more organized than this paragraph.
1.Packing the car to come back from college
2.Unpacking the boxes in the car to put everything in my house
3.Unpacking the boxes in my house to fill my room with the environment I've been so used to living in for the past year.
4. Getting crafty with sentimental things like seashells and gluing them to delicate picture frames that hold so many memories
5. Sorting through a massive box of family photos from my childhood, being reminded of so many memories, and so much I've learned from my brother and sister
6. Appointments-accupuncture, dentist, tooth being pulled tomorrow.
7. Meetings with bosses planning my schedule for the summer.
8. Feeling like a potato. (Sorry, I'm just hungry)
9. Lifeguard recertification studying that I haven't started although it's May 30th. (I still have 8 days, so..... 182 hours, wow that took way too long, well I have been at Pratt, there's no math classes, bro.
10. Planning baby sitting for the first week in June- aka getting paid to eat snacks, pet a dog, and hang out with the coolest 9 and 7 year old I know.
11. Relaxing
If God's taught me one thing for my freshman year at Pratt, it's to relax. And lately, even though I have so many plans and things I have to do, right now I'm taking a necessary yet stationary vacation. I worked my butt of at Pratt, learned so many new concepts about art, dealt with so many kinds of people- good and bad- ate new food, ate bad food, found a home church away from home, JHOP, (woowoo!) experienced what real mediterranean food tastes like, completed my first ever internship, was sick for four weeks, God never left my side, was in the hospital 2 consecutive days in a row (8 hours each day,) experience my first cat scan (there was no meowing,) laughed A LOT, cried A LOT, had my first ultrasound on my arm (I always thought my first ultrasound would be on my stomach when I'm married and have my first set of twins-yeah, I'm pretty specific with my future, and also maybe kidding about the twins,) road in the first wheelchair that could fit three of me, had people throw things at me, threw things at people, experience the first mouse that crawled all over my things in my room, realized how much I hate mice, ran a marathon on January 12th, experienced true grace through EVERYTHING. Man, I should have made another list. Tangent. I also learned how to learn that word from Hall council. OH YES, I joined hall council, joined a sorority (Theta Phi Alpha), learned to draw with my left hand, learned to play frisbee with my left hand, became an RA.
So many things have happened in my life this first year at Pratt, and I've realized how much coming out of my comfort zone did for me. Leaving home was probably the hardest step for me, but once I got into the flow of Pratt, everything fell into place. God's timing is always so right and perfect. And his plans for your future are even greater than anything you could possibly imagine. This past week, I've been clinging to this verse in Proverbs 16:1"We humans make plans, but the Lord has the final word." I've realized all of the plans I've made throughout my life, my senior year especially; what college, what housing situation, what roommate, how, when why what-everything.
 I literally was doing everything I could to follow my dream of going to art school, of going to Pratt, that I became so confused and stricken by fear. Fear of the future, of if my potential was good enough, basing myself off of what people thought I could do, where they envisioned me instead of where God envisioned me to be and his plans for me. I kept questioning if what I was doing was where God wanted me to be because of the struggles I had to face to get to where I am today. But now that I took that step out of my comfort zone and stepped out on the waters where God has called me-despite what people said to me-giving God my dreams and allowing him to give them wings-I've realized how much God blesses those who entrust him with everything they have. I'm seeing so much blessing in one year, and reminding myself when I don't know where his plan is that  if he can bless so much in a year, imagine what he can do in a lifetime! I'm still learning, don't get me wrong, but being away from home, in a dazzling city of  New York, completely apart from PA, being in a college environment with people who truly understand who I am, putting myself out there for people, telling people my story, encouraging, being in a hospital with a crazy situation for the first time ever, truly being independent- all of these things, despite their differences, imperfections and risks, they all lead to one thing. They lead to knowing that there is so much comfort and blessing in relying on God's plan. That trusting him and leaning into him is worth it, and creates a plan within itself that is greater and crazier than you could  ever imagine, but it is completely worth it.

From Starfish to Pennies

Sometimes it's really hard. Hard to keep pushing forward and swimming in the ocean of a world when you feel like a mountain is sitting directly in front of you, rooted to the painful bind of a seaweed forest that cannot be moved. But then you see something greater in this madness-when it's quiet and no one is around, you can almost hear the lilting rush of  a quiet wind that reminds you of the very hope in the midst of what you are going through.  That your heart, prior to your present, used to be filled with a sensitivity and delicacy so deep  that it crushed you. Yet made you who you are today-brave, courageous, changing. Like pennies. Changing, always changing, yet being the change you wish to see in the world. Once that is manifested within you, you cannot and will not be moved. You will stand stronger than any mountain because you are full of strength, like a penny, that has been through so much, yet when dipped in the salty waters of the cool ocean, it shines with a beauty like never before.

And be changed. No pun intended.

Hope in the Hopelessness- Miracles Amok

Since so many are asking how I am/why I was in the hospital, here is a humorous version (because everything is so much funnier after you don't have scares from doctors that something is seriously wrong with you anymore,) of why I've been in the hospital/results/oh the antibiotics! So sit back, grab a snack (actually, depending on your tolerance to pain you might not want to do that-but if you do choose to have a snack while reading, don't say I didn't warn you!) and enjoy the calm yet humorous way God is able to and does give you hope and peace during and after the storm.
This past week and a half has been rough, but I'm going to be fine, so don't fret lovelies! I've been in an out of the hospital twice, 8 hours each time during yesterday and Monday, been stuck with two ivs and didn't even cry; (huge accomplishment for me since I had only been to the hospital once, no not when I was born, I was born at home, but that was a good guess! It was when I got a puncture wound and needed one stitch. I'll tell you that story if you ask me about it. It involves trees and who doesn't love trees?) experienced my first ever crazy-test filled-needley-queasy hospital visit in a different state when my parents were 2.5 hours away, been alarmed by doctors, waited for results longer than needed only because the hospital peeps either A: Forgot about me B: Thought it was fun to deprive me of food when I hadn't eaten all day and just wanted a hoagie or C: Made me deal with some heavily opinionated doctors (that's a stretch for being nice, so here I am, stretching,) placed in the pediatric section of the children's ER (ok, I know I'm 19, not 21, but why would you put me in a place full of screaming babies when I have to be there for eight hours with a needle in my arm that makes me feel like my head will explode?) Let's just change those choices to "ands" instead of "ors" because they all happened and there are many more hilarious things I could tell you about like taking a ride in a wheelchair with a nurse who kept telling me about roller coasters and TLC. And he looked like my grandpa- even better. Bless his soul.
Now don't get me wrong, I am forever thankful for doctors. God put them on the earth for a reason and to help stand in the gap between health and sickness. (Thank you God, cause you are the divine doctor.)But when the doctors see something's wrong and do tests that come back POSITIVE and NOTHING is there..wel that is just amazing, and beyond anything the doctors did/could do. And it isn't just "coincidence" that when my family and friends asked for people to pray that all of my test results came back clean. Nothing, nada, ok, I don't know any more foreign words for nothing. Let's make some up: naga, nacapeesh, ok I'm done. BUT that shows how much POWER there is in numbers. That when two or more are gathered there God also will be. If two or more ask it will be done by the father of heaven (zee Bible, google that line to find the actual verse, cause I'm a little busy right now.) Even though it has been really hard and I'm still in a lot of pain (my right dominant arm/hand is numb/burns/has no feeling/I can't use it, so they gave me an antibiotic, which makes me feel sick,) during all of this, I've realized that trusting in God and knowing he is in control of everything brings so much peace, even in the waiting and unknowing. There was never a point in my situation where I didn't have peace. Yeah, it was hard, the pain is, well, painful, but his promise and that very knowing that he can and will heal you is a more secure result than any that a doctor can give to you. When you cling to him desperately, entering into that place where your heart is fully engulfed in his presence and love for you, nothing, nothing, naga can steal your joy. Your peace. Your hope. And even when you're in a state of hopelessness, like I had been with my arm not working and pain throughout my body, God still gives hope. How crazy is that? I have been able to draw with my left hand since Thursday, and it's successful. I'm not trying to brag or draw attention to myself in any self-righteous way. I'm saying these things because you need to realize what a miraculous, hopeful, and incredible God there is, and he created you. YOU. And you too with the cool afro. Your afro is awesome, embrace it. You love puppies so much you almost feel like you're petting a puppy when you touch your best friend's awesome, patchouli smelling ponytail? That's a little creepier. You always sing at college and when you're walking everywhere? Ok, maybe you should just drop out and be on American Idol, become a hippie and travel the world with your guitar, touch lives, be nomadic. I mean come on already.  Someone said you can do anything you put your mind too? You have a mind, stick that on your dream Really though, don't drop out of college, school is cool, those words rhyme, and art school's artsy. The American Idol thing/hippie/travelpower thing is super awesome, so be my guest if it's for you!) All of those questions were not for specific people, most of them are actually about myself. Ok, all of them. Well, I don't have an afro but they're super fun to look at. But my point is that you should never do something because it's "socially acceptable" or "the social norm." God places dreams and desires in each of our hearts, and when you tell him those dreams, and sink into his arms of grace and love-no matter how much you are weeping, how much pain you are in, or how torn you are for what you should do next year- God blesses you completely when you follow him fully. He creates life change and awakens hearts. Yeah, a blessing is a burden, but I would rather be in this place of my life where I see other people's pain because I can relate to and love on people unconditionally then to live in ignorance of others' problems. There is so much more to life when you have empathy for people. When you have the chance to remind them they aren't alone and build people up with encouragement, that brings life. Not only to you, but to the weary hearted, the soul that needs saving. And believe me, you become so blessed from that. Not just because people become understanding and super sensitive/understanding around you and your situation, but because you get the opportunity to impact people, and there is no greater joy than that. Having hope and restoring it to the hopelessness.  That is powerful. Even though it's really hard, you're super emotional, don't feel well, or have ailments, God will restore the seconds, minutes, days, weeks and even years that the locust has eaten. He's doing that in my life right now, and he does give you the courage and bravery to have hope in the midst of any kind of strife; there is nothing better than that, in fact, that's what truly brings life.


If you ever need to talk about ANYTHING, I'm always here, just a click, key stroke, paint brush stroke, laugh, footstep...okay I think you get it.